Players can't wait to play with Stern's old balls

I remember it like it was yesterday. On a frigid December night back in 1994 my high school team braved the elements for a vicious battle with the Iaeger (pronounced Yeager) Cubs. Traveling into West Virginia wasn't something that I looked forward to.

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Napoleon Rules The Windy City With An Iron Fist

60 million dollars is a hell of a lot of money in the NBA but not in Major League Baseball. Why just a little less than a month ago the Boston Red Sox paid 51 million just for the right to negotiate with Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka.

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Can Methuselah Save The Music Industry?

"Jesus, I'm so sick of this" my girlfriend Bunny Lohan yelled over a song that contained enough bass to detach retinas. "What?" I asked fearing the worst. Normally she reserves this kind of fervor for when I do something stupid, which is often.

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Mammas don't let your Babies Grow up to be Bukkake Boys (NSFW)

Newly released felon Andre Wright has been waiting in line patiently for the past 30 minutes. He waits in line with a cornucopia of other men: fat men, old men, bald men, black men, white men, Hispanic men, ex-con's, schoolteachers, Internet hackers, short order cooks, etc.

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Busy Morning in Possum Holler

A steady beeping noise echoed throughout the small mining community of Possum Holler, Virginia as Truitt Scarberry slowly backed up the heavily loaded coal truck. Better get the @!$%# out of the way, he though to himself.

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Overtime At The Sports Desk

After working for a while in the nightclub industry I decided to try my hand at writing. Hell, others had done it. It sure beat getting maced and shot at on a weekly basis.

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Public Schools Are As Safe As Auschwitz

There are a host of terrible news stories making their rounds this week. Disgraced Florida Republican Mark Foley was exposed as a degenerate pederast.

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Bush Nuggets

Addiction is a powerful word to throw around but I am comfortable in using it because the United States is the most addicted nation in the world. We are addicted to everything from cigarettes to cell phones to giant gas guzzling SUV's.

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West Virginia is decadent and depraved

Last week I was staggering through my local Wal-Mart purchasing all of the supplies to make it through another frightful week. It was an unusually calm time at the store so I decided to take my time and venture off into the toy section.

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Paul Maguire is the Anti-Christ

* The following is a letter that I wrote to ESPN this week when I saw Paul Maguire calling college football games. Dear Sir or Madam:

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Bitch, You Ain't Gettin My Baby!

"I jus wanna take a moment to thank my girl Brenija here. It takes a straight up kinda girl to carry someone elses bebee.

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Gasoline Alley

Sampy Lawson sat at his computer trying to decide how to reply. A lady named Constance from Albany, NY had written him a letter begging for a face to face meeting. She swore that she loved him. The words made him smile.

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Israel Spays and Neuters the Arab World

"Since the Jews are the slaves of the church, she can dispose of their possessions"-St. Thomas Aquinas

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Florida Gator fans much too excited about the upcoming football season

*The following conversation took place at Floyd's Bait Shop/Laundromat/Pharmacy/Grocery Store in West Gainesville, Florida sometime in August, 2006. "Hey Lummy, watcha thank bout em air Gaters dis year?" Jasper asked.

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The Odd Couple

The Odd couple "If you know how to cheat start now"-Earl Weaver

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raoul_duke

Articles Posted: 15
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Member Since: 8/2006Last Seen: 8/27/2006

David is a freelance sportswriter and fictional writer originally from the Appalachian Mountains

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