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Addiction is a powerful word to throw around but I am comfortable in using it because the United States is the most addicted nation in the world. We are addicted to everything from cigarettes to cell phones to giant gas guzzling SUV's. It's in our blood, there's nothing we can do about it. Desperate citizens spend Billions of dollars each year in an effort to exercise their demons only to relapse at the first sign of trouble.
But there is a new addiction out there that isn't taken nearly as seriously as it should. No, I'm not talking about the latest Sudoku craze. I'm referring to the addiction that millions have with the president (notice I didn't say "my" or "our" president) George Dubya Bush. If you think I'm being a bit overly dramatic in classifying Dubya as an addiction take a minute to think about it and you'll see that he has all the qualities of a good addiction. First of all a good dose of Bush brings on an overwhelming sensation, for good or ill. Secondly the Dubya can be experienced by oneself or with a group. Thirdly the more you get of him the more you want. What makes the Bush addiction so powerful in relation to other addictions is that there is a never-ending supply of Bush, plus it's free! On top of all that, unlike midget wrestling, Bush addiction is extremely acceptable. You can do it in the car, in the home, in the workplace, in government buildings, or anywhere you damn well want without fear of repercussion. It's actually encouraged!
Yes, like Bill Mahr and Al Franken I too am addicted to the Bushman. Wait, let me rephrase that, WAS addicted to the little bastard. A few years ago when my writing was in it's infancy I grasped hold of Bush's coattail and rode it for all it was worth. Bush was an inexhaustible writing prompt and I felt that I was doing some good by exposing his Nazi-esque regime. It worked for Hunter S. Thompson so why not me? I nearly turned into a complete Bush junkie but luckily I avoided it.
Anyone that has ever overcome an addiction knows that the only way to break an addiction is through a traumatic experience. The event that cured me of my Bush addiction once and for all came on Election Day 2004. I stood in the freezing rain waiting to cast my ballot against the evil dog faced scoundrel. Never in a million years would I have believed that I was standing in the rain in vain. Later that night I hung my head in shame as Dubya beat mealy-mouthed John Kerry like a redheaded stepchild. Then and there I knew that the country was doomed no matter how hard I tried to stop it. At that moment I went cold turkey and successfully conquered my Bush addiction.
Fortunately, unlike black tar heroin or meth amphetamines, a person can backslide on being a Bush addict without turning into a full-blown lunatic. So, with a new outlook on life and the world I have decided to revisit my old nemesis George Dubya Bush and see what he's up to. Since Saturday (September 23, 2006) he's been up to stuff that would have gotten any other president in the history of the nation raked across the coals. Somehow Dub-2 gets a free pass. But like I always say, I may have to eat @!$%# but I don't have to like it.
It all started Monday night (September 25, 2006) when the New Orleans Superdome reopened. There were all kinds of festivities and emotion in the air as the Saints took the field before a sold out crowd looking for relief and possibly reclamation. But things almost turned sour when none other than the ghoulish George "H.W." Bush arrived for the opening coin toss. For the love of god, somebody sign him up for the latest plastic surgery gone bad TV show. He's morphed into a Donald Rumsfield clone for the love of god! I can't believe even Dubya would have the balls to send papa down there to the city he has completely forsaken. We all know that he'll never rebuild New Orleans because he hates black people and moral slackers. It was an utterly thoughtless and disgusting gesture showing that even though Dubya may not directly taint a situation he still has his grimy fingerprints all over it. Thankfully New Orleans recovered (in the football sense) to lay an ass-whooping on the Atlanta Falcons in spite of H.W.'s presence.
On September 27 I read an article on yahoo.com called "Bush denies war incites terrorists". Let me take a second to drop a little trailer park knowledge on you. Back in my childhood days there was a rabid dog named "Kong" that my hillbilly neighbors had. It was common knowledge that if you went in their yard Kong would tear you a new @!$%#. However if you stayed out of their yard Kong wouldn't go through the trouble to come into your yard. For starters it was too much effort, and secondly I think that somewhere in his deteriorating canine mind was the knowledge that if he stepped foot in our yard my old man would have shot him with a .44 Magnum. The same kind of logic applies to the "terrorist" situation. Terrorists are vile, wicked, heinous people but they typically won't cause much trouble unless provoked. Let sleeping dogs lie is what I say.
On Thursday (September 28, 2006) Dub-2's "tough" bill on terrorists went through with the smoothness of a good case of diarrhea. The opposition to the bill was virtually nil despite the severe consequences it could bring about. The worst thing about allowing us to torture criminals is that it declares open season on any American civilian or military member overseas. Gone are the days of lenient and humane treatment for American hostages and if I've learned one thing it's don't get in a battle of sadistic-ness with foreigners. Their lives have been much harder than ours and they can think up of torture tactics that we could never even fathom. I haven't read the bill completely but I think that the statement "save a bullet for yourself just in case you get caught soldier" should be in the language.
A person could go on and on infinitum about the atrocities Dubya has brought on us, but unlike most I actually believe the majority of people out there agree with the slimeball. Lots of my friends tend to disagree with me on this issue because admitting that the American populace is basically a bunch of bible thumping warmongers is a tough pill to swallow. I think we're all in for a big shock come November. All of my "liberal" friends are ready to stage a democratic coup of the House but they'll be extremely disappointed when the Republicans win again. It seems impossible that they'd win again, but they will. Take it from someone who lives in the South. A lot of people are aggravated about such minute things as gas prices, inflation, tyranny, and hopelessness but they'll gladly trade them in for "safety". We did it in 2004 and we'll do it again in 2006.
So to all my Bush addicts out there in the world fear not, you won't have to wait long to get your fix. When the GOP wins again in November it'll be open season on what little decency is left in this country. An unrestrained Bush will run wild like an elephant in Must. Don't be a bit surprised if we start wars with Iran and N. Korea before he leaves in 2008. Don't be surprised if gasoline reaches $5.00 a gallon by Christmas. Don't be surprised if you end up in Guantanamo Bay and have your testicles crushed by a vice. The party's just getting started.
